Happy Halloween, Everyone!

Creed Bratton from NBC's The Office (I miss that show) cracks me up!





And the Joker clip in all its (low-res) glory:

Not Like Jim and Pam...

So earlier today, I drove down to Laguna Woods in Orange County, CA, to attend the wedding of Nancy. It was a small ceremony...with less than 40 of us in attendance, and Nancy didn't even have a DJ to play music during her reception afterwards (she played songs from a CD player placed near her table). There was no music when she walked down the aisle either. Anyways, those are beside the point. After 8 years of being in a relationship with him, and a little over 3 years since she got engaged, Nancy finally tied the knot with Roy (I'm making another reference to The Office; it's not his real name). Now, for those of you wondering about The Office allusion in the headline of this Blog entry, a previous post (which was linked to in the opening sentence above) compared my situation to that of Jim Halpert. He was secretly in love with Pam Beesly at Dunder Mifflin for 3 years even though he knew that she was engaged to Roy for more than 8. Halpert secretly bided his time until the moment was right for him to express his feelings for Pam...and despite a hiccup along the way (Pam chose to stay faithful to Roy, prompting Jim to futilely move from Scranton to Stamford to get away from her), Jim and Pam eventually found their way into each other's arms, and would get married in Season 6 of The Office. And then they moved to Austin, Texas by Season 9 (in the series finale) so Jim could pursue a job at a sports marketing company with Pam and their two kids at his side.

Unfortunately, the happy ending for a fictional couple on a now-defunct NBC TV show won't apply to me here. This is the first time ever that I attended the wedding of a girl who I still had strong feelings for. Clearly, Nancy wanted me to show up to Orange County, seeing as how she first texted me about the wedding invitation she sent (yes, I was very devastated when I saw the invitation upon opening that text) and asked if the information was clear enough for other guests to understand (I told her that she should mention the start times for the wedding and the reception separately on the invitation), and then texted me again to tell me about the dress code for her ceremony. She preferred casual business attire even though I ended up wearing a black pinstripe suit.

For me, it was a given that I'd attend Nancy's wedding. Two years ago, I felt that it would actually be a big victory if I became close enough to Nancy that she invited me to her ceremony...whenever it would be (Yes, there are so many flaws with that sentence I just typed.) The big question was: Should I buy Nancy a wedding gift? As someone who wished that our situation could've been like Jim and Pam, it's probably detrimental to show too much support for Nancy and Roy by not only seeing them tie the knot in person, but also giving them a wedding card with $100 in cash stuffed inside of it. Yes, that's how much I gave this couple earlier today.

Did I take photos at Nancy's ceremony, you asked? Yes I did. And yes, they are now posted on my main website. (I'll give you the luxury of finding those photos yourself!) I don't know if the situation between me and Nancy will one day deteriorate to the point where I feel compelled to remove those pics from my webpage, nor do I want to find out. (Remember Denise? If we took a hypothetical photo together back in college and then posted it on my site, I wonder if I would've deleted it by now considering that the situation between us is, most decisively, a debacle.) I could continue typing and typing, but I'll just end this entry here since it could be as long as a research paper if I decided to express every single feeling I was experiencing right now. Would I say 'yes' if Nancy asks me to go hiking again? Yes, I would. I'm not gonna burn bridges with her. Would I go out of my way to ask Nancy if she wanted to go hiking, you ask? Hm— Good question. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder...although in this case, the heart is fond for another heart that unfortunately can no longer (or never did) reciprocate the feeling. Have a good night.

Well THAT'S A Bummer...

Don't ask me how I found out, but I just discovered that Nancy may already be married. Despite the fact that her Facebook page still lists her as engaged, I saw elsewhere that Nancy is now beyond that. Or...her fiancé/husband/whatever jumped the gun and decided to refer to her as his wife on the site I went to even though their relationship status hasn't changed. Nonetheless, I have to assume that she is finally married unless I want to get myself in hot water and continue to talk to her. If Nancy did officially tie the knot, it annoys me that she would keep the news secret and not post an inkling of it on her Facebook page (heck, there is only one picture of Nancy with her fiancé/husband/whatever in her photos section)...and text me if I want to go hiking and whatnot. Nancy did go to Hawaii last month (for only 4 days); who would've thought that it may have potentially been for her honeymoon and not some random vacation? Just making an assumption here.

All I can say is, it definitely looks like this won't play out like The Office where Jim Halpert won Pam Beasley over after she was in an 8-year-long engagement with another co-worker. Sorry Jim—but in my scenario, Pam finally got hitched to Roy. That is all.

So What Would Jim Halpert Do (Part 2)? Yesterday, I worked with Nancy again after not seeing her in person since our Northridge gig more than a month ago (she got booked on other assignments since then). Unlike that gig, this one went a whole lot smoother (possibly because I posted not-so-subtle comments indicating my fondness for Nancy on her Facebook page after that Northridge um, debacle—and she actually reciprocated)...with Nancy even asking me for my phone number towards the end of the day. Of course, I probably won't (or should) call or text her—even though she asked me, before leaving work, if my phone was able to receive text messages (of course it could)—seeing as how Nancy is engaged. This actually led to the only real lowpoint of the day (there were a few others; but this one stood out the most): When I said 'hi' to Nancy and hugged her after arriving at work, I noticed that she wasn't wearing her engagement ring. (In hindsight, Nancy probably removed her ring because we were working in a not-so-pristine area of downtown Los Angeles.) While chatting with Nancy after seeing this, the back of my mind was screaming "Yesss!" as I secretly held out hope that the engagement was off. Unfortunately, it was about an hour later when Nancy finally mentioned her fiancé in the conversation...and I was once again thinking about how John Krasinski's fictional character in The Office would handle this (not-so-new) development.

I'm in a lose-lose situation with Nancy at work. On one hand, I risk the emotional crash (lousy oxytocin and dopamine) that results from me driving home from work (and away from her) after how much time I spent sitting next to her and talking/flirting for much of the day (our assignment lasted for more than 15 hours yesterday). I actually posted a Blog entry a few years back (which is about another girl I had a crush on) about how one minute we're sitting so close together that we're touching knees (I waited for Nancy to move hers away from mine last night, hah), and less than an hour later, we're about 30 miles away from each other...assuming she went straight home as opposed to say, her fiancé's house. (I don't know where this dude lives.) On the other hand, there is no way in hell that I'm going to keep my distance from Nancy at work and watch some other punk move in and try to chat her up. What I'm about to say next is extremely naive, possessive, stupid and very selfish, but while I know that Nancy will inevitably and sadly get hitched to someone else soon, her fiancé isn't around at our work—and I want Nancy all to myself when we're booked together. (Yes, I even gave annoyed looks to other female coworkers walking up to Nancy to talk to her.) Is this mentality completely messed up? Hell yes, it is. But it will be this way until one of us finds another way (or place...like how Jim Halpert transferred to Dunder Mifflin's Stamford office after being rejected by Pam Beasley in The Office's Season 3 premiere) to earn a living. Nancy has been at this job much longer than I have, so I guess it won't be her making the move.

So What Would Jim Halpert Do? Ever since I returned from my trip to Tennessee almost a month ago, things have been a bit emo for me in regards to this girl that I really like at work. (Yes I know— "How old are you? 15?") I've been resisting the urge to write about her on this page... Not because it's unlikely that she'll find this entry (unless she Googles 'Jim Halpert,' 'Pam Beasley' or The Office or something), but because these articles ended up being (catharsis aside) all for naught. Every other girl that I blogged about over the last um, 10 years inevitably ended up getting with someone else (and becoming married; yay for 'oneitis')...so I'd be highly delusional to think that this rant would improve my chances with Ni—err, Nancy in any type of way. (I almost mentioned her real name here. Phew.)

Ever since Nancy and I first met last December (although I saw her at work as early as January of 2012), things have been cool between us. We always sat and hung out together at work. There was even this one time she asked me to take a walk with her—just the two of us—in an empty parking lot near the place where we were at (more on this later). However, from the outset of all this she told me that she was already engaged. Initially, I didn't care...as my feelings for Nancy didn't grow until we started to work together more often earlier this year.

What makes Nancy so great to be around is that she's easy to talk to, she jokes a lot, she's unpretentious (despite the fact she posts really gorgeous photos on Facebook... Keep reading further despite the fact I'm veering into so-called 'creeper' territory here) and...she likes 1980s action flicks and recent movies that feature 1980s action stars in 'em. (There was one time where she wanted to leave work ASAP so she could buy The Expendables 2 on DVD. No, it wasn't a gift for someone else.) Oh, and she reciprocates— Once Nancy added me on Facebook, I clicked 'Like' on the very first image (a self-portrait that Nancy took with her iPhone, if you need to ask) she uploaded right after we became friends. Not too long after, Nancy clicked 'Like' on a photo that I uploaded to my Facebook page. Of course, it probably helped that the picture I posted happened to be one that I took with a certain gorgeous MasterChef winner in Costa Mesa a few months back.

So where did things start to become all emo for me, you ask? In Ontario (California), more than a month ago. As I mentioned earlier, we always sat and hung out together at work. But what really endeared herself to me was when Nancy asked me to walk with her in that parking lot stated two paragraphs above. Granted, this took place during our lunch break...and she obviously wanted to burn off calories from the food that she ate a few minutes earlier, and wanted someone to keep her company during her stroll. But the fact that Nancy asked me to be alone with her (not to imply that I'm a wacko or anything... I'm only crazy enough to jump out of an aircraft 5.5 miles above the ground, hah) showed just how much she trusted and felt comfortable around me. We'll gloss over the truth that Nancy views me only as a good friend and that's why she did that. (Oh look, isn't that how Pam Beasley felt about Jim before he made a move on her in The Office's Season 2 finale? Anyways.)

Combine the fact that we bonded during the walk with us hugging before going our separate ways at the end of that day, and you have me start to develop feelings for that co-worker. (Just like in The Offi— okay, you get the point.) This memorable day was actually the last time I worked before I left for Memphis on April 27 (a Saturday)...and it didn't help that Nancy ended up going to Las Vegas that same weekend. Initially, she was reluctant to go; one of the main topics during our parking lot conversation was that she was invited on this Sin City trip by another female co-worker...who's divorced and has a daughter. (You can see where I'm going with this. Or maybe you don't.) Nancy, being unpretentious as mentioned two paragraphs above, didn't know just how crazy this lady could get when boozin' up...so our talk in Ontario involved me asking Nancy if she was ready to accept just how wild this co-worker (and other people who went with them on this trip) could potentially get while strolling out on the Vegas Strip. I myself didn't want Nancy to go... Despite the fact she's engaged to someone else, the thought of a divorced chick trying to bring Nancy down to her level (if you met Nancy in person, then you'd know what I'm talking about) irked me.

What made matters worse about this Las Vegas trip was that it didn't take place on the weekend that Nancy said she was originally going (which was two days after our gig in Ontario). The Vegas trip took place exactly a week later (yes, I was off from work for more than 7 days before I left for Tennessee)...which made it coincide with the time that I was in Whiteville to conduct the H.A.L.O jump. Of course, in the two days leading up to my 30,000-foot skydive, this jump was the only thing that I could think about. However, once this endeavor was successfully completed on April 29, it was pretty much out of my system (almost 7 years after it got into my system in the first place). So overlooking the fact that I was totally stoked over what I had just accomplished in Whiteville that day, my thoughts started shifting to what Nancy was doing almost two thousand miles to the west of me.

As mentioned earlier, the thought of someone trying to bring Nancy down to their level in Las Vegas annoyed me...but I knew that nothing bad was going to happen. Nancy was engaged...so what preoccupied my thoughts instead wasn't what she was doing in Vegas but how she was dressed hanging out over there with this group. In the last two days of my trip in Tennessee, all I could think about was heading back home to Los Angeles, logging onto Facebook, and seeing what provocative photos—if any—she uploaded or was tagged in. (Hey, if Radiohead can be a 'creep,' then so can I.) And it didn't help that my flight from Memphis had a brief stopover in Las Vegas before the final leg of my journey back to SoCal on May 1... Needless to say, my thoughts were fixated on Nancy (and a couple of slot machines that were amusingly placed near the Delta Air Lines gate where I boarded my L.A.-bound flight) as I sat and waited in the McCarran terminal.

When I arrived home from Los Angeles International Airport that evening, the first thing I did (even before I removed from my luggage the large envelope containing my H.A.L.O. jump certificate, the DVD with my skydive video on it and the USB drive containing raw footage and photos from the jump) was turn my computer on and then log onto Facebook. (Yes, I needed to get a new phone so I could visit Facebook while I was out in Tennessee. Not necessarily an iPhone). And lo and behold, Nancy posted a picture (Begin playing 'Creep' by Radiohead) where she's wearing a sexy black dress that reveals most of her (well-toned) back—and was tagged by the divorced chick in an image where Nancy's wearing a bikini. Can you say... Hot and bothered? (And creepy? I kid. I KID.) These photos were posted three days before I returned to L.A., so all I could do was check these pictures out since I wasn't in position to click 'Like' on them. [I didn't have a valid reason (presumably) to like these images till last weekend.]

So to make a long-ass story not as long as it should be (Michael Scott: "That's what she said!"), these Vegas photos intensified my attraction towards Nancy. I'll resist the urge to mention how she wasn't one of the people who clicked 'Like' or commented (yes, I'm contradicting my earlier claim that she reciprocates) on my H.A.L.O. pictures and video after I posted them on Facebook...and that Nancy actually gave off an irritated vibe (maybe she was hoping that I would've spent the money I paid for the skydive on taking her to a nice dinner and/or a cruise to Catalina Island instead? Yea, I wish) when my trip was brought up during a job we worked together in Northridge (California) about a week later (this was the first gig I got since returning from Tennessee). Speaking of Northridge and overlooking her indifference to my H.A.L.O. trip— Things were going awesome between us like they usually did in the previous assignments we worked together...until 30 minutes before we were to go home. Won't go into specific details (since I should've mentioned what it is I actually do for a living at the beginning of this Blog entry. Keep on guessin'), but Nancy ended up sitting with someone else right before we were about to wrap for that day. More on this in the next paragraph...

To continue on from the previous paragraph, I WAS PISSED. I didn't know what I did wrong to make Nancy diss me like that at the very last moment. Actually, I might have an idea... But it involves me going into a rant about other dudes at work who walk up to Nancy to start a conversation with her while I'm sitting nearby. C*ckblockin' douchebags. Unlike all the other times I was with Nancy, I went home without saying 'bye' or any other word to her. The thing is, the hurt that I felt from this debacle in Northridge only intensified my feelings toward Nancy. So basically, just like every other girl I blogged about before her, Nancy made me like her even more because she rejected me that night. And I can write another interminably-long article about how I have a futile attraction towards girls who play hard to get. ('Cause you know, they're already in relationships?)

So to end this entry, the high that I experienced after I conducted the H.A.L.O. jump is matched by the low that I've felt thinking about Nancy over the last four weeks. I don't have much of an appetite when I eat breakfast (kinda like how Jim Halpert told Dwight Shrute that he couldn't eat because of his feelings for Pam in a Season 4 episode of The Office), since I immediately wanted to log onto Facebook and see if Nancy posted something after I got out of bed in the morning. I actually dread the next time that I see her...which may be on a job assignment that I got booked on for next Tuesday. So basically, I'm at a loss for what to do. If this were a TV show, then I'd walk up to Nancy this Tuesday (if she shows up) and tell here how she makes me feel—and then she'll dump her fiancé of God-knows-how-long-they've-been-together and we happily watch The Expendables 2 over and over, forever. But this isn't a TV show, and Nancy will most definitely be mortified if she ever stumbles upon this entry. And I'll become emo over the next girl I meet while Nancy eventually starts posting photos from her wedding ceremony (whenever that will be) on Facebook. Yay for oneitis! That is all.

The Office... Just thought I'd post a few memorable quotes from tonight's 2-hour series finale (actually, make that one hour...unless you count that retrospective that allowed me to change channels and watch the season finale of The Big Bang Theory instead) of the long-running NBC show. Expect me to do the same when The Big Bang Theory, one of my other all-time favorite programs on TV, comes to a close a few years from now. (By the way— Raj sure can't catch a break, can he? Then again, his ability to finally talk to ladies without being liquored up should give him the courage to talk to prettier girls...like say, Sheldon Cooper's assistant, Alex.)

"I can't believe you came!" "That's what she said."
- Dwight Shrute's comment and Michael Scott's reply when the former boss of Dunder Mifflin makes a surprise appearance at the new DM manager's wedding.

"It's like all my kids grew up...and they married each other! It's every parent's dream."
- Michael Scott during Dwight and Angela's wedding reception.

"I wish there was a way to know that you're living in the good ol' days, before you actually left them. Someone should write a song about that."
- The 'Nard Dog' (a.k.a. Andy Bernard), during an interview following his embarrassing audition for America's Next A Cappella Sensation.

"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?"
- Pam Halbert's final soundbite as the documentary film crew stops shooting The Office.