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Well, nothing beats summing up the courage to call a girl that I like on the phone...only to realize I can't have an actual conversation with her. Yesterday, after two friends of mine (see the previous journal entry) convinced me that trying to call this girl up (what's her name? As usual, I'm talking about "Denise") was a prudent thing to do--since there was not one minute since last Fall that I couldn't stop thinking about her--I decided to find the piece of paper that had her cell phone number on it and dialed it up. So what happened?? Denise said she was in a dressing room trying on clothes at the time she picked up the phone. Already right there I'm tormented by the thought that I called up her when she might be, how should I say...wearing nothing but a bra or thong or possibly butt nekkid?? But that's beside the point. The first thing she said that showed I have no chance whatsoever of getting with her (despite her already having a bastard, er boyfriend...and me sounding like a horny ass just a few seconds ago) was her saying she knew "lots of Richards." Basing reference to a quote from Ben Affleck in Chasing Amy...there's an issue of "inadequacy" involved here:

"Hello?"
"'Denise?' Hi, this is Richard."
"Richard?..."
"Uh, Richard Par?"
"Oh hi! I know lots of Richards..."
And after that she mentioned the dressing room part. Lots of Richards, huh? Not only does that make me feel that I'm even less significant in her life that I think I already am...but it shows that I'll never, ever get with her cuz of the fact there are already SO MANY guys in her life. So how did the rest of the conversation go? Well, she told me to call back in an hour or so cuz she'd be done by then and already be home--so I did wait an hour. The time was 7:56 when I first called, and I'd have to wait till 9 to try a second time. Great memory, eh?

It was 9:00 when I finally picked up the cordless phone again to call her up. My heart was, uh, still beating fast but I didn't feel like I was hyperventilating like the first time (I CANNOT believe I'm actually mentioning this!!). Anyways, I called Denise up, and she said she was already home--but that a friend was with her. A stinkin' friend! So after less than a minute of meaningless chatter, Denise asked me for my phone number so she'd call me up after her friend left. Denise never called. So NOT ONLY are the e-mails between me and her going the way of the Dodo...but she now gave me a reason to finally get her out of my mind. YEA, THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN ANYTIME SOON! I called up the two friends from Sunday's hoop session for advice. The first friend was a REALIST and told me don't waste my time with Denise if she's not gonna call. The second friend is an OPTIMIST and told me to wait a couple of days and call her up again...or possibly to e-mail her. WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

Truthfully, I don't know what to do. Half an hour ago, I checked my Hotmail account thinking she might e-mail me and apologize for not returning my call. I only got a pair of e-mails by two of my high school friends...and a batch of junk mail. Looks like Denise either thinks I might not reply anyway since she didn't call me back--or she's been scared off by me calling her up and realizing the implications of what I was trying to do. Oh well. School starts in a little more than a month...and let's see if another girl will take my mind off of Denise. POSSIBLY NOT...since I was hoping that'd it happen in the Spring semester but only realizing I'd spent my whole day at school looking around campus and seeing if I'd run into her. I did run into her...in March--sh*tty ass encounter--and in May, where we resumed what will inevitably become a temporary bout of e-mailing. Anyways, this journal entry is WAY TOO LONG. I'll write more when I feel like it. All right then, later!!

Out like Denise.