"Sometimes even a pirate needs a little help.
So tonight I was looking for some action with the local wenches, and found that I had consumed too much grog.
Being a pirate, I try to be prepared for all situations and keep a flask of Viagra pills with me at all times.
Now the village chemist we had raided when I grabbed these was not from my hometown, and he proceeded to label the instructions on this bottle in roman numerals. I don't know roman numerals. All I know is that X marks the spot, so when I see it say to take IV pills, I can't remember whether that is six or eleven, so to be on the safe side, I decide I should take eleven, because I wouldn't want to disappoint my ladies.
Then I read further and it says to last all night, take VIII. So knowing that three times five is fifteen, I proceed to take fifteen, because I have a reputation at stake here.
Twenty minutes later I was ready to go and the ladies are loving me.
Another twenty minutes and I can't feel my legs.
Another twenty minutes and the wench steals all my gold and tosses me overboard once she knows I can't move..
Remember that I still can't feel my legs.
So I'm floating there face down and a bleeding dolphin comes along and grabs me by my Long John Silver and starts swimming away with me. Tossing me to and fro. He swam so far, we ended up near an iceberg and he gave a quick flip of his head, and I landed right on the iceberg.
Well shiver me timber, being all wet I was stuck fast to that ice and couldn't get away.
With all my blood flow away from my brain, I was also not thinking very clearly.
I shimmied out of my clothes that were frozen to the ice, but there was one thing I still couldn't seem to get unstuck from the ice. The heat had melted that on good.
I lay there for days not knowing what to do.
Dehydrated, embarrassed, and thoroughly stuck, and still enhanced by the blue pills, I finally decided what I had to do.
I used my pistol to free myself.
All the other pirates are now calling me "peg leg penis" now though.
Its not fair!"
Found this funny post on a message board. Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
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